It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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