I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
