I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
