Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
