Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
