I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
