Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
