i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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