I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
