Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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