me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
