Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
