I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
