I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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