If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
