he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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