Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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