I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
