She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
