My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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