Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
