Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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