So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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