the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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