i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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