Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
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The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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