Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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