Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Barsexuality is the new black.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
