She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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