Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
