If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
