4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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