he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Found your dick twin last night
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
