Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
