I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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