Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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