No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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