How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
