I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
