my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
