a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
