my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Text me some of your sweat
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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