I CAN MOONWALK!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
