so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
