One girl and one boy is just not enough.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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