I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
