Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
