in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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