Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
