the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
