I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
