The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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