her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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