I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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