wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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