3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
