fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
