His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
