You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
