I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
